Recently, I've gotten involved with a guy 13 years my senior(don't judge) and I just don't know why haven't just let it go yet. Maybe I find this compelling and interesting. Doing it just to say I've done it but.....he's fallin for me.
I know.....
At this point, I'm still not completely over the age difference and he does drink and smoke which I totally dislike but he's abated that.(Hey,look at me! Using my new vocabulary words.Dr. K should see me now)
But, besides that. I feel like at this point, all I do is attract men. To me, that's not all fine and dandy. I want guys my age or at least within the same age 'group'. Since I've recently let go of my three ghost from Christmas past...my mind is a little bit clearer. I still have three males on my plate though.(and this is why I think my number is three.Everything has always come to me in threes) I have Austin, Eric and now a recent interest De'Vanti. Austin has little to no hope with being in a real relationship with me and yet again he's already fallin for me too.(im not trying to be ostentatious[new vocab.go me!] but its the truth. Eric...you already know (most) of his story. And now De'Vanti. Safe to say he still has that slight 'new toy' feel. Not completely though. Only because we went to the same Junior High so his face is familiar.
But the REAL dilemma is...I don't think I meant to have male-female sex. I haven't tried female-female but I think I might try it.soon. I have some to this conclusion because out of the all the times(i can still count on my fingers) I've had sex...I havent cum! NOT ONCE! And makes me just want to give up on sex all together. The catch is though,I know for a fact I'm NOT BI. I honestly can't be in a relationship with a female but I could see my self having sex with one. What makes me feel like I'm not alone is this documentary I watched earlier last month called "The Happy Hooker" about a well-known woman of her time Xaviera Hollander.( I don't feel like going into detail about her so do your research if you really want to know more) Since I've watched that documentary, It unlocked something in me that I always hid. My sexual freedom. Of course, this was more prevalent back in her time 1960's and such. I swear I belong in that era.(total hippie minus the drugs and multiple sex partners)I just know that how I view my life( my world) is not all that bad as religion has put it out to be. I shouldn't deny myself certain pleasures wither of the mind or body.
I ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE
