Kicking the Bucket

Earlier last week,my neighbor died. Just that morning he was outside shoveling snow with my family and I and by the end of the day,paramedics are rolling him down the heal on a sled-stretcher(i guess that's what you call them) and he's gone. Just like that. And another one of my neighbors birthday was that day as well.

Celebrate a life..morn a life.

all in one day.

So,I was texting a friend of mine later on that day and asked him..

Me: what do you wanna do before you kick the bucket??

Friend: what?

Me:....die

Friend: I want to live

Me: Hardy har

We ended up talking about life and when it gives you lemons you make lemonade and all that good stuff and they just kept saying that you move on from it and forget about the pain and problems. I beg to differ. No one truly forgets life's pains. I mean,who can just brush off the times when life throws you lemons?(they black your eyes sometime too...right in the kisser)

But,has anyone ever wondered..where the heck did this bucket come from in the first place and why are we kicking it?(how ruffian)

Well,I have come up with this theory that the bucket is full of lemons which life throws at you.Everyone has a different amount (of course) cause we are ALL snowflakes in this snow globe world but,there is a catch. By the time we find out whats really going on with our lives and that we've always had the keys to anything in life...we reach that bucket,to find that life is gone and the lemons are gone.Life ends when there is no more problems to be thrown your way.

So,as this ties into the conversation me and my friend had,you need to have ambitions in life. You need to do something(be a do-er) This is your way of at least dodging lemons. People with no hopes or aspirations are most likely the main ones who are low in self worth;low and every are of their lives. Why? Because they are just sitting there being constantly hit in the face.

Clocking in...

After a grueling three hours of house cleaning(more like kitchen cleaning since majority of the time was spent there)I now have acquired my own experience on patronizing and its affect on the teenage mind.

Let's get straight to the point. While my aunt had me scrubbing away years of caked on grease,i explained to her my current ambitious plans of redecorating/reorganizing my room(which i share with my younger cousin *agh*)I want to buy a vintage wardrobe(possibly paint it black or leave it in its historic state)and get rid of my dresser once and for all. I have a huge issue with keeping the top of it non-cluttered and no matter how many times i organize it...just know it has a mind of its own. So,my original idea is to get rid of the clutter and to do that...get rid of the dresser. She says "No,use what you already have and make due with that."

...I have been doing that all this time...look where its got me...

Nowhere

So I make up in my mind to take every article of clothing out of the dresser and get someone to help me take outside to the trash. She laughs and says "OK,you do that". Now i know and you know that she doesn't mean that. I probe her into telling me how shes really going to react if i do it and eventually she says "no,you don't have permission..." As soon as she says that I fume and all i hear is..

I began a rant on how she shouldn't be hindering my creative expression and she should promote my want of change. The topic of source of finances for my endeavor came up and I told her don't worry about it,ill have the money.

Ill skip this rant..

Here is where she started to really patronize me. I began to recite a very forced,repetitive poem of instalment that i had to say back in elementary.

I am somebody.

I am teachable, therefore I can learn.

I can do anything that I try.

I am somebody.

She told me to keep believing that I was going to do all the things that i had not too long ago confessed to her. As if they were impossible. If it weren't for the fact that I have a high self esteem,that would have really shut me down. I brought to her recall of my younger years and how I never spoke up for the things I wanted and now that I am,to be made a joke of is not the reaction that any teenager, or anyone,matter of fact,would want. That would mean that every time I opened my mouth and expressed what I want that it wont be taken seriously. If i had low self esteem,i would never speak again(exaggeration,of course)

Drum roll please.....

This time around I am deciding to dedicate myself to this whole blog thing. I don't know how many times I've created a blog and stopped using it. Inconsistent they call it.

Well,im in the process of...winter cleaning..the house with my family and i have thirty minutes before my break is over so...thats it for now..

Au revoir!